Want to know if it's the weekend in Berlin? Look down! On the sidewalks, exposing themselves to the myriad of bicycles veering out of their path are the traditional broken shards of cheap beer bottles. Now it's not as traditional as, say, the Greek "Opa!", wherein some bridegroom sails a perfectly good porcelain grape-leaf holder (invoking the suppressed ire of the wait staff). No, this is a--call it-- "subliminal (read drunken) tradition".
Is it because German beer is so horrible they cast it down in disgust? Don't think so. But it is quite a mystery that every Sunday or Monday morning I find myself picking out devilish little edges eating their way under the soles of my shoes. Now I expect there to be some tomfoolery come the weekend but why is it I find myself swimming through an ocean of glass? The answer, if I may adopt the Berliner penchant for conspiracy theories, is Big Glass.
(I want to pause here to say that I have chosen to write this little exposé knowing full well the risks it would entail. My only hope is that the truth comes out and my "disappearance" won't be in vain.)
Glass is everywhere in Berlin: in storefronts, in bars, in cars, even in homes! I couldn't believe how much of it there was when I first arrived--especially in bars. In New York, after a rather feisty weekend, you're likely to find a couple of Budweiser (or more likely Pabst Blue Ribbon) beer CANS everywhere. Why cans? I don't know, but I'm sure there's a good reason; let's stick to Berlin and Big Glass.
To understand the root of this issue you need to look at what exactly glass is: sand. Yes, heat and sand make glass. Know what else heat and sand makes? Terrorists! That's right, Big Glass is actually a front for terrorist organizations looking to wreak havoc on Berliners. Their designs? They're threefold:
First, they aim to disrupt the foot and bicycle traffic in Berlin, thereby staunching the the flow of trade. As pedestrians suddenly change course and delivery trucks swerve to avoid--voila! No more goods.
Meanwhile, Big Glass wants to spark violence in the streets to bring down the government. (If I'm losing you here, think of this: you're drunk and someone steps on your foot; if you had a can of beer you'd let it slide, but since it's a bottle...."OPA!")
Third, the plotters plan to shred the Berlin agrarian (you can farm tourists!) economy by turning Berlin into a desert (what, didn't you know glass reverts to it's original state after... a while?).
So there you have it. Now you know the secret Big Glass aka, terrorists, didn't want you to know. I just hope by revealing this I don't sudde--
Is it because German beer is so horrible they cast it down in disgust? Don't think so. But it is quite a mystery that every Sunday or Monday morning I find myself picking out devilish little edges eating their way under the soles of my shoes. Now I expect there to be some tomfoolery come the weekend but why is it I find myself swimming through an ocean of glass? The answer, if I may adopt the Berliner penchant for conspiracy theories, is Big Glass.
(I want to pause here to say that I have chosen to write this little exposé knowing full well the risks it would entail. My only hope is that the truth comes out and my "disappearance" won't be in vain.)
Glass is everywhere in Berlin: in storefronts, in bars, in cars, even in homes! I couldn't believe how much of it there was when I first arrived--especially in bars. In New York, after a rather feisty weekend, you're likely to find a couple of Budweiser (or more likely Pabst Blue Ribbon) beer CANS everywhere. Why cans? I don't know, but I'm sure there's a good reason; let's stick to Berlin and Big Glass.
To understand the root of this issue you need to look at what exactly glass is: sand. Yes, heat and sand make glass. Know what else heat and sand makes? Terrorists! That's right, Big Glass is actually a front for terrorist organizations looking to wreak havoc on Berliners. Their designs? They're threefold:
First, they aim to disrupt the foot and bicycle traffic in Berlin, thereby staunching the the flow of trade. As pedestrians suddenly change course and delivery trucks swerve to avoid--voila! No more goods.
Meanwhile, Big Glass wants to spark violence in the streets to bring down the government. (If I'm losing you here, think of this: you're drunk and someone steps on your foot; if you had a can of beer you'd let it slide, but since it's a bottle...."OPA!")
Third, the plotters plan to shred the Berlin agrarian (you can farm tourists!) economy by turning Berlin into a desert (what, didn't you know glass reverts to it's original state after... a while?).
So there you have it. Now you know the secret Big Glass aka, terrorists, didn't want you to know. I just hope by revealing this I don't sudde--
